From the top

I’m writing this post as a way for me to explain where my anxiety started, mostly for me that anyone else really. As mentioned before my anxiety began when I was young, in fact I’ve had anxiety issues for as long as I can remember but back then I didn’t know anxiety or an anxiety disorder was a thing. 

I’ve touched on this subject before, explaining the main trigger behind what drives my anxiety today, but what was the main starting point? A number of factors, basically.

As mentioned before (here), a trip to the opticians resulted in me fainting. Fast forward three months, having struggled slightly with IBS, and August 2012 wasn’t the best month for me. 

Firstly, I was having major problems at work. I felt undervalued, restricted and somewhat limited in my career, and all of these things created a worry in the pit of my stomach like nothing I’d felt. At the same time, my mum was going through a redundancy, and in the thick of a new business venture that was touch and go. As a single parent family, I take it upon myself to ensure she’s happy, comfortable, financially sound and stress free – so her launching a business meant I was too. 

These two events were causing me a lot of stress, which triggered my IBS linking to my feeling ill and being unmotivated. Mid August, when everything was going wrong, I then had an accident where I pulled out onto a motorbike. It was a pure accident, u had looked but hadn’t seen him, and fortunately he didn’t come off the bike. Instead he began racing me, then became aggressive towards me. As we pulled over, his three mates came and I was basically surrounded by them. I gave my details and left as quickly as I could, driving away with a flat tyre. 3 days later I had a letter from the insurance, he was claiming upwards of £19k. 

Then, as I had all of this to deal with, a family drama erupted and threats were being made towards my sister which again I feel responsible for her. 

These all may seem trivial, but these different events can have such an effect, which people don’t realise. 

From here, my anxiety began. It’s changed, it’s tested, it’s controlled, it’s backed down, it’s stood against me. All of these make me feel more confident that I can do it. 

I can do it. 

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