Confession: I’ve been a bit of a Moaning Mary recently and it’s a bit rubbish.
The last few weeks have been a bit up and down to say the least. My mood has been off the chart, either elated to be going to a zoo, or crippled because I’ve got to go to work. It’s been quite tough to keep track, and things have slipped as a result, but it’s time to get myself back together.
Yes, work isn’t great, but the only reason I still suffer there is because a) I’m loyal to the company and with a few recent changes, my leaving would throw a fairly large spanner in the works, and b) the ol’ faithful – Anxiety. I’m not good in certain one-on-one situations, so the idea of an interview for a job where I don’t fully know what would even be expected of me i.e. presentations, high end meetings, extensive travelling etc, it’s not the easiest thing to go at.
I also feel a bit stuck in a rut – I’ve no get up and go. I’m half way through my 90 day SSS plan and I’ve had to reset cycle 2 twice just because I’m finding it tough to focus and remain on track thus resulting in the consumption of embarrassing amounts of cake. I can’t be bothered to do house stuff, I haven’t done the garden, car’s filthy, I rarely cook anything spontaneous anymore. I just don’t feel like it – and that’s just not me. So this post is me trying to get my head around where things went wrong, and what I can try to do in order to fix it.
First things first, I’m making a list. I’m going to list all the things I need to do this week including update my blog (Check!), sort house insurance, mow the lawn, wash the car, update my CV and tidy the garage out. This should hopefully clear my head a bit to focus on a couple of new projects I’ve been wanting to start but have never gotten around to.
Secondly, I’m getting back into cooking. I love to cook, I either create strange concoctions that seem to work, or follow some recipes that I love, and this is what I need to start doing more often.
And third, I need some time for me. I’m so wrapped up in sorting things out for everyone else. I focus too much on work, on whether other people are happy, on what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I just need to go for a walk or something. Hear bird sing, dodge goose shit near the local lake. All these things we take for granted.
Lastly, I’m arranging some challenges. My one-on-one anxiety has been around for a while but only in certain situations. For example, I haven’t had a hair cut in over 3 years (My GF does it, I’m not like Gandalf). These small challenges will build me up to eventually go to an interview full of confidence and zero panic. It’ll be tough to think of enough, so any ideas welcome!
So yea, say goodbye to Moaning Mary. I recon in a few days I’ll be all happy ‘n’ that.