It has to stop. 

This is probably an odd post for a bloke to write, but I was thinking about it last night so thought I’d put it down in a blog post. 

I had a discussion with my GF last night about people making her feel uncomfortable in every day life, to which she pointed out it happened just the other day when some guy she worked with made her feel really awkward as he made several innuendos and odd suggestive glances (needless to say she won’t be working with him again). She also said it isn’t a rare thing to happen and it really shocked me and to be honest I find it quite worrying. Then remembered me something that happened to me in the past, so here it is. 
***trigger alert***
About 12 years ago, I attended college. I was quite a shy lad who carried a lot of weight (I was 19.5 stone at the time) so my confidence was really low (although this was pre-anxiety disorder). I would avoid catching the college bus because I wasn’t comfortable with the gimps jumping about everywhere, shouting, screaming and generally beings dicks, so used half my lunch money to catch the normal bus.

One particular day, about 2 in the afternoon, I was on the bus heading out of town on my way home, no one else on there but me and another lady. The bus stopped and on got two lads and one girl, all clearly off their face on whatever powder/pills/substance they’d shoved into themselves. Scruffy, loud, filthy and intimidating. I wasn’t far from home so didn’t worry about it too much as I’d be getting off soon. Then the woman got off, and it was me and the odd group. One of them was pacing up and down, trackies too big so they kept falling down and, well, put it this way, he’d forgot to put on underwear. 
…yea. 
He’s swanning up and down, shouting, showing off and being an idiot. I’m willing the lights to change from red to green by my apparent telepathic ability that I thought I had. Then all of a sudden he sat behind me for no reason, with his fellow gimps laughing. I remember my heart beating but staying calm and looking out of the window. He then started saying stuff, suggestive, of what he’d like to do to me (of a sex kind). The fact I’m straight is completely irrelevant, the stuff he was saying was vile. I remember shaking a bit, as his head came to my ear, and I can still feel his breath as he whispered stuff. I just froze. Now I look back and think ‘why didn’t I move my head, why didn’t I just push him away, or do a James Bond style sideways headbutt’ but it just never happened. 

My stop came, I quickly got off the bus as he was shouting stuff to me, and virtually legged it home, which for a fat lad with chub rub shows just how horrible it felt. 

I guess looking back at that made me realise just how awful a lot of women have it (I know blokes suffer, but I believe it to be more common with women, please tell me if I’m wrong). I, a 6ft lad weighing in at something similar to a rhino was reduced to a frozen quiver by someone so off their face they couldn’t even remember underwear or a belt, so I can only imagine how it would feel to a woman in that situation on what often turns out to be a semi regular occurrence. 

I never did anything about it, I couldn’t even tell you who they were, but I always remember feeling so uncomfortable, and would dread catching the same bus fearing they’d get on again. They never did. Based on the size of his pupils I’m not entirely sure he’ll still be with us. 

I hope this post comes across in the right way. I think for anyone, particularly women, to have to go through that kind of treatment regularly is vulgar, and should be stopped. It makes me sick that someone running for president glamorised this kind of behaviour as ‘locker room banter’ and ‘every bloke does it’. No. No we don’t. 

Stay safe folks. 

3 Comments

  1. A really really powerful post and I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thankyou so much for sharing though, because you make such a valid point. It does need to stop. I hope that both you and your girlfriend are doing okay! Great post.

    Jade x

    Like

    1. We’re really good. I honestly don’t feel traumatised by it which I know is strange, it’s something that happened which I think allows me to relate. Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it and I hope you’re well too 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely agree with above. But for me, what makes me really angry is not the overt sexual harassment/abusive language that everyone gets at some point. Because you can talk to people about it and we all go ‘mate, what a knob. Bet not even his mum is proud of him’ etc, and we all roll our eyes at the scumminess of humanity and secretly think ‘thank God it wasn’t me in that situation, I would have cried’. It is the covert little things that people say that when you try to tell someone they look at you a bit funny. For example: I am regularly asked ‘settled down yet?’ and I always say ‘nope. Never. That’s not for me’ and I am told ‘ah, plenty of time yet’. That PISSES me off big time. I feel as if they are forcing their own values and culture on to me, and passing judgment on my decisions like there is something wrong with not wanting to contribute to over population and unsustainable resource use. But, when I tell people that this has happened I get told, ‘well they are coming from a good place’.

    All of this comes from the same place – ‘I think the decisions you have made in your life are wrong’. And sometimes there is something about that wrongness that scares other people. We should apparently be flattered that these people even consider doing these things to us, because we have made bad decisions in our life that makes us undesirable. That is the bottom line of all the crap we put up with. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, there is always someone who thinks that they know better than you, and sometimes that comes from the fact that they are unhappy with their own life, therefore they take it out on you (or they abuse alcohol/drugs and then take it out on you, as in your story), but sometimes it comes from the inflated sense of self-importance that these knobs have.

    Rant over. Sorry, I got a little bit carried away there!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s