Confidently lacking 

I thought I’d write an impromptu post to help me get through the things that are flying through my head at the minute in a hope to at least get it out. 

Confidence has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember. Be it how I look, how I sound, my professional ability or just my own personality in general, for the last 20 years it’s been a big issue for me. 

Since the separation of my parents, I guess I’ve always looked for approval since my dad didn’t seem too bothered about me when I was a 10 year old young kid. I’ve always looked to friends for approval that I’m worthy of their friendship, approval from communities around me that I’m relevant and deserve to be part of it, approval from my girlfriend that she does in fact fancy me in spite of the belly I’m carrying, or the ginger twinge in my hair that became the reason I was picked on throughout my younger years and teenage years. 

‘Am I a nice guy? Are people just humouring me? Is what I’m saying making sense? Do I look ok? Oh no did I do the right thing? Am I really that likeable?’

Recently I sent out a tweet with a poll, purely for clarification that what I’m saying gets people’s approval and to ensure I’m not doing the wrong thing and the result was that 90% of people were happy that what I was tweeting helped, but yet I still don’t feel like that was enough, I’m STILL worried. 

I don’t know whether this will always be a part of me. Hope not, it’s a bit rubbish, but I’ll continue to work on it and try to better myself. So yea, that’s all really. Bit of a Debbie downer post. Sorry. (See, more approval rubbish!)

4 Comments

  1. Hey you! This is a great post and you should never doubt that. You are honest and speak from the heart and if what you say helps just 1 person, then there it is! Approval from others isn’t necessary as long as you like yourself!

    All good & easy to say, I know. It’s a battle I’m overcoming slowly & surely. It’s funny how events from our childhood shaped our adult lives. I can see it now myself. BUT, we can change it; it doesn’t have to affect our future!

    Take care my fellow warrior and remember I think you’re amazing! X

    Like

    1. Thank you for always being so lovely 🙂 I never thought what happened to me as a young lad would have such an effect on me at my age. You’re right, if one person gets something from it then that’s amazing. We get there in the end don’t we? 🙂 thank you for always being so supportive and awesome x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I found that for me, confidence was something I had to develop and practice and train myself to be. I had to make myself confident as opposed to confidence finding me, if that makes sense. You are a very nice guy and a great person and worthy of anybody’s time and affection. Repeat, repeat, repeat. 😉

    Like

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