6 months on…

Earlier this year, I wrote about some incredible happy news – me and my GF were expecting our first child. Yet not 5 days later, she began to suffer a miscarriage, which I wrote about too.
It was a crazy difficult time for both of us and although it definitely made us stronger, you never seem to completely get over it.

Now, 6 months on, I’m writing here about how it feels to be the guy in all of this (which I realise how bloody selfish this can sound). My amazingly strong girlfriend suffered so much throughout the week long ordeal (that’s how long it took from start to finish) yet she remained so strong and level headed which at the time I couldn’t believe, but often see the real sadness show when she talks about it for the first time. It’s really tough being the other half, watching this from the sidelines and all you can do is offer a loving shoulder for them to cry on whenever they need it, and reassure them that for whatever reason, it just wasn’t meant to be.

As the guy, you kind of get forgotten about. The focus is on the lady, after all, she’s the one that suffered right? She went through the pain and the trauma, she felt everything happening – so quite right she should be everyone’s main focus. The tough part for the guy is that we feel it too. I felt the pain, I suffered the loss and struggled with the sadness, yet I didn’t feel I ever had the opportunity to talk about it, to deal with it, to move on from it.

This all came to mind when last night, 6 months on, a guy said to me ‘I’m sorry to hear about your loss mate’, and I realised he’s the first person to say that to me. Out of all of my friends, relatives, everyone, he’s the first person to say ‘I’m sorry mate, must have been tough’.
That’s crazy right? Or am I being selfish? Is it attention seeking? I don’t know.

I do know it’s hard though. It’s hard for both the man and woman going through something as tough as that. Absolutely I was there for my girlfriend and will always be there should the situation arise again. She was and will always be my main priority, but I realised that often for the guy it can feel really lonely. I felt really alone. If anyone reading this has gone through or is going through the same thing, message me. Don’t be alone, it’s rubbish!

6 Comments

  1. This IS NOT selfish at all. This just shows what a sensitive, loving, caring man you are and how one day, you will be an amazing dad. This was your child, your future too and while you didn’t have the physical trauma, the trauma was just as real and painful for you. As I’m writing the age old mental health analogy comes to mind “you wouldn’t tell someone with a broken leg to get up and run” Do you know what I mean?

    The fact such tragedy has brought you closer and not driven a wedge between you again speaks volumes about you both.

    Stay positive and believe xxx

    Like

  2. You were there for her and you are entitled to feel emotions too! Hell, you were there for the baby too. I think society tends to forget the man because of woman’s right (I’m not arguing that to be right or wrong). My point is, I think it would be in-human for you to not be okay.

    I’m so sorry for your loss and wish I could do more to comfort you.

    Like

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