I honestly never thought I’d find myself in this position. I always thought I’d be safe, in a good industry where the work was thriving and I’d be fighting new opportunities off. Instead, the latest conversation with my boss, who was confiding in me (lucky me) tells me that things aren’t quite as rosy as they seem, and in fact in 2 months time, I could be stood in the queue at the job centre signing on.
I’ve known things are quiet for a while, I’m fairly clued up when it comes to running a business, I work with my mum on hers and helped turn hers around with some drastic changes, so I understand cash flow, struggles, and ways to organise overheads to help keep things going. I’ve been trying for months to help my boss do that, all the while him being ignorant and responding with “I don’t need to do that”. Cut to last night and I’m being told theres 2-3 months in it, redundancies will be made and things aren’t looking good.
Since the news my anxiety has been slowly building. He’s told me “you’re safe, don’t worry”, but how safe is a person in a business that doesn’t make enough money to survive? What good is that promise if the business I’m safe in is going down the pan?
Now I know I’m not the first person in this situation, I’ve helped my mum through it 3 times and took over her bills while she picked herself back up. I know exactly how hard it is, how patronising people at the job centre can be, how difficult it is to a) get an interview and b) actually find something you’re interested in. I’ve seen all of this first hand, which I think is why I’m so scared about this.
I mean, I can’t even get my bloody hair cut by a woman called Sandra 600 yards from my house, so how am I supposed to sit in front of corporates applying for a job where I have no control, complete uncertainty on what’s expected from me and convince someone to employ the anxious mess sat in front of them.
My job itself is extremely unique in that it’s very diverse. I’m a designer, project manager, studio manager, business manager and marketing manager all rolled into one. What that means, is that it’s extremely stressful yet at the same time I’m in control, I make decisions, and I know exactly what’s expected of me – and there isn’t another job in the world where I’ll find something I slot into. What this turns into is a “Jack of all trades, master of none”, so how do I convince a business owner to take that on?
An alternative is to work for myself. I’ve longed to go freelance for a while, and have several ideas in order to create multiple revenue streams in order to support myself, but I don’t know these will work. What if they don’t work, then what do I do? I go back to the drawing board and figure out how I’ll survive.
I just don’t know. I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what I’d be doing right from wrong. Do I wait to see what happens? Yes I’ll get a payout but am I missing opportunities? Do I spend every waking minute outside of work setting up my own thing, just incase? Do I start job hunting now?
One thing I do know is that I survive. I know I get through things like this. I know I’ll fight through and make it. I know because I have to, but the journey to get there is going to be one hell of a ride, and I just hope I’m strong enough for it.