As I write this, tomorrow is the day we finally begin actual fertility treatment. After almost 2 and a half years of trying, tests, miscarriage, heartache, frustration and confusion, our time has finally come to have help from a team of doctors and nurses to hopefully get us the one thing we want.
How do I feel about this? Well after three attempts at writing this I still don’t know! I’m scared, excited, elated, worried, cautious, happy and sad (and any other emotions you’d like to throw in to the mix, I’ve probably felt them all). I’m sad because I should be the one at the conception of my child instead of Dr. Faraj and his magic tube (he’s an incredible doctor and I’m sure it’s more complicated than just a tube…). I’m worried incase this treatment (IUI) doesn’t work, I’m cautious about handing a pot of the good stuff over to a receptionist in the hope that it’s going to be suitable, yet I’m excited, elated and happy because I feel we’re finally being given the opportunity we’ve been waiting for.
However, with just a 20% success rate, I can’t help but feel worried that it won’t give us what we want, which I know would be tough on both of us. The next step after IUI would be IVF, much more invasive and for me much more difficult to face, which is creating some anxiety and apprehension.
It’s this reason why I’m a complete mix of emotions, I’m excited because we’re getting the opportunity, but know that it may not be the result we’re hoping for. You know what though? It might be the exact result we’re hoping for. This could give us the baby we’ve been longing for for so long, and if that’s the case, it’s going to be incredible. Whatever happens, I’ll be filled with hope, spirit dances and praying to a god that I don’t believe in (is that a song?) to make this happen for us.
So on Monday 5th Feb at 12:20pm, it will all be happening. So from 12:15 onwards, I expect 3500 followers each crossing fingers and nothing less. It’s time to finally get what we’ve been working so hard towards.
Keep on keepin’ on.