Well, after this post I thought I’d write a small update to let everyone who engaged know how I got on. Well…
I did it! I had a professional haircut for the first time in 5 years.
This is trivial for a lot of people I know but for me I’m really proud of myself and happy.
So how did it go? Well to be honest, it went well. The build up for me was the hardest. I woke up to stomach cramping IBS from the stress, and with that comes nausea. It was actually quite bad to be fair, to where I wasn’t sure I could do it… but the desire to feel good about myself was somehow stronger, and I just kept going. The journey over to the barber shop consisted of me drinking water, eating polos, chewing Rennies and downing Imodium just to get myself there and through it. I was actually convinced I was ill. So how do I know it wasn’t an illness?
Well I got to the barbershop, I introduced myself and explained I had an appointment. I told him I’d emailed and may need to pop out, which he said was fine. I sat down in the chair, he put a strap thing around my neck followed by the weird cloak thing, and he got to it. It was only about 20 minutes in that I realised I didn’t feel sick at all, it had completely gone – that’s how I knew it wasn’t an illness.
The guy couldn’t have been friendlier, he played really chilled music (some reggae playlist), had general conversation and advised me all the way through it. This served as a great distraction, but not in any way forced.
As he finished up my hair, we moved to the sink for him to wash it before styling, and this was the only point I didn’t feel comfortable in – but I could either say “I’d rather not” or just go with it – I went with it.
He washed it, dried it, styled it and that was it! I felt like a new man.
What did this show me? Anxiety is there, I can’t stop that. It will probably always be there in some form. It shows me that to some degree there will always be a fight, be it small or large, against anxiety that’s going to make some things tricky, some difficult, and some even impossible, but what this doesn’t mean is that my anxiety is stronger than I am. I can either feel it and accept it and keep going, or let it take life’s enjoyment. Today, I chose to accept it and go for what I wanted – and I won.
Always keep fighting for the tomorrow you want, because that’s why we’re here.