Anxious Fertility – The struggle

So, here we are again! The IVF journey doesn’t seem to be as easy as we thought it might be. After our first embryo transfer on IVF, it sadly doesn’t seem to have worked. I won’t go into detail, but my girlfriend had a visitor 3 days before the pregnancy test was due. If you don’t know what visitor means, it means she started her period. I might as well have just typed that in the first place – we’re all friends here.

Why hasn’t it worked? We have no idea. Doctors tell us we’re the perfect candidates, everything so far has biologically worked, eggs are fine, sperm is fine, health is fine, everything is fine, yet for some reason we aren’t being given the chance at being parents.

I honestly don’t really know why I’m writing this. I just feel quite lost and confused. I’m really tired of this journey. I’m tired of the tests, the struggles, the heartache and the strain it has on us as a couple. I’ve tried to face it with strength, determination and “we’ll do whatever it takes”, but I feel like a block of ice being chipped away, and while there’s still a lot of me left to chip away at, I’m also melting under the heat.

Still, we wallow, we eat brownie and we go again. That’s all we can do, go again, and again, and again, until we get to the point of giving up, or the family of our dreams. To whatever higher being/ghostly spirit/universe/mother nature that’s watching over us – I will not be beaten by this. We will not be beaten by this. I will go again, and continue to do so until we get the exact outcome we’re hoping for. So bring it.

Thank you to everyone for your kind messages, I’ve had so many it’s difficult to reply individually. It means the world to know that when I’m sat in this silent office, with thoughts rolling around my mind, there’s a whole group of amazing people just offering kind words of encouragement and support.


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