An update, and a thank you.

What a week it’s been. I wasn’t sure I’d even write this, as not to ‘tempt fate’ or jinx us in any way, but should either of those exist I feel we’ve already had our fair share.

You’ll know from my last post that we recently found out we’d fallen pregnant naturally in-between IVF. Well shortly after finding out, we were told it wasn’t to be and my girlfriend’s hormone levels had dropped, so we would lose the baby. We spent the following two days grieving, I took it particularly bad and didn’t really know where to turn.

As a way to distract and bring some love into our lives we decided to get a dog. It’s something we’d thought about for a while, and after our recent heart ache we decided now felt the perfect time to take our mind off of things.

Well the Saturday after I wrote the post, my girlfriend had a hospital appointment to have a blood test to ensure ‘it had gone’, hospital words, not ours. To combat that, we arranged to go and have a look at a litter of puppies and arrange to collect one. We got to the house with the litter and I placed my hand inside the pen. One little beagle puppy slowly walked towards me, had a small sniff, and slowly placed her head into my hand. After, 5 other beagle puppies came running over and were jumping, scratching and clawing to get up my arm, but the first little one just looked and waited, before resting her head back in my hands.

We’d found our perfect little family member, or rather she had found us. When we asked when we could collect her, the lady replied “now if you want”. And that was that. We scooped her up and brought her home. Well, not exactly, first we had to pop to The Range and actually buy everything we’d need, like a bed, bowls and food. We brought her home, where she curled up on my knee and went to sleep.

Later that day, the phone began to ring and “No Caller ID”, it was the hospital calling to tell us everything we already knew. After confirming her date of birth, the nurse said:

“It’s good news, your hormone levels have more than doubled in two days, so your little baby is fighting.”

“…..wait…what?”

“It’s good news, your hormone levels have gone up”.

“But we thought we were miscarrying…”

“Well you’re not. We’ll book you in for a scan at 7 weeks to see what happens, but for now lets remain positive.”

“……what?”

And that was that. The miscarriage we were told we were having, we weren’t and in fact the baby began to fight. The emotional rollercoaster we were on just hit a new upside down bit, and neither of us knew what to do. We’d just bought a dog for god sakes.

We tried to prepare for what could or would happen and took each day as it came. Sadly, over the next week my girlfriend continued to lose blood, and by the following Saturday, she began to miscarry. For us, I think we’d both already grieved, and she hasn’t been in too much pain. It’s incredibly sad, and neither of us quite understand what’s happening, but we have to buckle up and go with it, because we have absolutely no control.

After one of the most emotionally draining weeks for both of us, it was so many amazing  to receive messages from so many people, and posting a “we’re still pregnant!” felt both distasteful and premature, so I waited until we knew either way what was happening.

So what’s next? Well, we take a month off for ourselves and try again with the next round of IVF. We keep chasing our dream and hope that one day we’re blessed with a tiny bundle of joy. For now, we have Mabel, or four legged bundle of razor sharp teeth and claws and I’m completely in love with her.

I just want to thank everyone that messaged me via twitter, text or instagram. The support and love meant the world when everything around me was crumbling. It’s so important to speak out. A special thank you to those who knew about this, you’ve been an incredible support and I’m eternally grateful.

To the 1 in 4 that this happens to, you have my sympathy and love.

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