When I was around 12, my Nana had a computer, the first I’d really used, and it introduced me to people online I never knew I’d meet. People from allover the world with all different stories to tell – it was brilliant!
One person in particular would listen (read) to what things I had to say about my difficult upbringing, my then depressed mood and she was so lovely. Unfortunately we lost touch and we no longer really speak, which is a shame, but I always hope she’s doing good.
Anyway, I was telling her one day that I struggled to sleep, as thoughts would consume my mind and my head would feel so full of thoughts. She then suggested I try meditation, going to a place I love and getting rid of any feelings. I was desperate, so although I thought she was bonkers, I thought I’d give it a go.
I went to bed that night, same thoughts flooding my head preventing sleep, but I had a new tool, something that might help so I thought ‘why not?’.
I closed my eyes, and just began to breathe slowly, listening to each breath until that’s all I was thinking about. Slowly in and out, before creating a place I could go to. This place would have a beach, but not your typical beach. It was secluded, with cliffs at the back of it and a cave, with a heated sping of fresh water to bathe in. I could feel the wind, hear the sea and this new place offered me an escape. It was brilliant and I was really grateful to her for teaching me this new skill.
Fast forward to today, 17 years on (holy shit, I only just realised that) and I still use the tool to this day. I go to the same place, and each time I do something different. Sometimes I just walk, feeling the sand in my toes. Sometimes I can feel the breeze in my (now much thinner) hair. Sometimes I’m naked (saucy) and just feeling free. Whatever my mood needs I can do whatever I want, it’s my own little world.
Recently, I’ve used it to take a load off, and it really worked. I was having a difficult time recently, so decided to take myself off, have a. It of time to myself. I wandered ok the beach, looks over and saw a small sail boat perched on the water. I walked over to it, the sea completely calm, clear blue water, sun beginning to set.
My shoulders felt so heavy with anxiety as I walked up to the boat. I looked in, and it was completely empty. Then, I lifted be weight from off my shoulders. I no longer wanted it, and I wanted to let go. I dropped all of the heavy, muggy feelings that could your mind pushed the boat with my food, and sat as the problems and issues floated away. I could see them trying to get out but they couldn’t, I was able to feel weightless for even just a short while.
The place hasn’t changed in 17 years, it’s familiar, secure and warming. What has changed is my use of it. Before I would distance myself from problems, now I offload my problems.
Sometimes, we all need a bit of something, and you should definitely give this a go. It changes me every time I go here.