I recently wrote on the last blog about fertility problems myself and my girlfriend were having, and the complications it can cause not only in a relationship but for someone like myself with anxiety.
It’s been a tough time but we’ve been supporting each other where we can, and faced up to challenges together so we’re going through the same things.
The most recent we’re my fertility tests. It involved fairly embarrassing scenarios that I struggled to cope with in all honesty, but I’m going to be open here in the hope that it might help someone else.
Basically I had to have a conversation with the doctor about providing a sperm sample, which although seeks relatively straight forward, has many regulations and rules you have to follow in order for it to be successful. I was told to do nothing for 3 days, before having a bit of *time to myself*. This had to be in the morning, and the sample had to be delivered to the lab within 1 hour or it would be rejected. To add to the pressure, the lab was only open 9-10am, plus I had to be at work at 9am. So yea, you can imagine how tricky this would be for someone who’s anxiety can affect this department if it does become severe (although not that tricky, it had been 3 days…).
So I provided the sample, and handed the pot to my girlfriend who went on her merry way with a cup wedged between her thighs to keep it warm. The sample was delivered in 40 minutes and that was that. The doctor said I would get a courtesy call and if my results were OK they would tell me on the call.
I was terrified of what the results would mean. I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with the guilt of my girlfriend not having a baby because of me, so the next 5 days were really difficult but we got through them, then it came – the phone call.
My heart was pounding, I locked my office door and answered, talking quietly I answered.
‘Hello, just calling to say your results have arrived, and will need collecting to take to the clinic.’
My heart sank
‘OK…I’ll fetch them later…’
‘OK no problem’
Then a pause
‘Oh, the doctor told me to tell you everything was normal with your results’.
I have never been so relieved and happy. I was also annoyed, the receptionist should be told to lead with the good news!
That was that! I was OK! I rang my girlfriend to tell her the good news and she cried. This means we can have kids. Whether there are some physical problems stopping us, biologically we can have kids – it’s just taking time. That’s all I wanted to know.
So here’s to the future. We’ve got a way to go, a few more tests and a couple of meetings, but we’re fertile.
Thank you to everyone who offered kind words of support, understanding and general advice. It really did mean a lot. And thanks to Tom who, even though I’m a complete stranger, offered me an ear (or eyes) to say all of the embarrassing stuff I was too scared to say to anyone. Really appreciate it.