Untitled and numb

30th July 2018. We found out that somehow, in between IVF cycles, we’d managed to conceive naturally. Something, somewhere had answered all of our wishes, dreams and prayers and gifted us with a miracle that we were so shocked to receive.

13:40 – 2nd August 2018. I’m sitting here on my own having just found out via a phone call from the hospital that my girlfriend is suffering a second miscarriage. She had to have a blood test this morning due to blood loss, and I was tasked with ringing for results. No friends here. Mum’s at work. Girlfriend’s at work. No one to speak to, just me and my thoughts.

I can’t believe it’s happened. We’ve had the joy for 4 days this time, last time it was 5. It feels so unfair. We’ve been through so much, so many tests, we’ve had heartache, dreams shattered.

Is this ever going to happen for us? Will we ever get a break? I feel we’re being punished but for what I don’t know.

I’m now faced with having to break the news to my Girlfriend, and struggle to cope with knowing what she has to go through over the next few days as, for the second time, we lose our baby.

To those before us, I wholeheartedly sympathise. I know we’re not alone in going through this, and so many have been through much worse.

Well, I stand with you.